What stories are you telling yourself?
All great brands and companies have a story. They’re usually aspirational, polished stories of triumph over adversity. A founder mythology that has been run through a PR machine and had some bullshit sprinkled on top.
From Steve Jobs to Donald Trump, and brands like Siemens to Hugo Boss, the true story is often much murkier, dirtier and unpalatable in the current day. So the myth becomes their story — because that works better for them.
It makes perfect sense. Why would an organisation tell a story about themselves that doesn’t paint them in the best light?
Why choose a narrative that doesn’t serve you?
Many of us do exactly that though. We tell ourselves we can’t do certain things, we must do other things, and label ourselves in ways that aren’t helpful. You might be thinking that’s not you, but it’s most of us — even when our narrative seems positive and empowering. I’ll bet you know someone who considers themselves a hard, tough person at work. Sounds great for them. Is it great for their co-workers though? Is it great in the long run?
We’re basically made of stories.
I heard Guy Garvey talk about his grandad once, who he was close to as a child. He remembered sitting at his feet, listening to him tell stories about the war and his youth. He recalls that his grandad would be telling some old yarn and suddenly have a coughing fit halfway through it. When he stopped coughing, he’d continue by telling a completely different story. “At the end of it all” he reflected, “we’re just a collection of stories, that all merge together.”
This is an anecdote about memories as much as stories. The lesson I took from it was that living in a way that creates great memories or stories sounds pretty healthy. We are what we do, and we become a collection of what we’ve done.
How we frame our own stories can transform how we view ourselves.
Whether we’re afflicted by self-limiting beliefs and stories about ourselves, or have chosen narratives that we believe are empowering but are actually damaging, changing our personal narrative can be transformational.
You may have heard this story about mindset before. In ancient times, a man was walking through a city when he saw a new building being erected. He recognised some religious symbols on the masonry. He saw a group of bricklayers and walked over to ask what they were doing.
The first one he asked said, “I’m laying these bricks here to make a wall”. The man continued to a second builder and asked him what he was doing. “I’m also laying these bricks to make this wall”. Finally, he went to a third builder and asked him the same question. The builder looked up, smiled and said “I’m helping to build a magnificent cathedral. It will stand here for thousands of years. Millions will come to admire its beauty. My children will see it, and my grandchildren, and their grandchildren. Its majesty will bring joy to all those who visit it”.
What stories do we tell ourselves about our past, present and our future?
In Buddhist traditions, students are taught not to identify themselves with their thoughts, as thoughts are transitory and not definitive. So we should not say “I’m sad” but instead “I am feeling sadness”. It creates some distance between the thoughts and the person. Equally, instead of saying “I’m not good enough at XYZ”, with practice we can realise that what we’re really saying is “I’m feeling some fear about XYZ”. That’s a more practical thing to deal with.
Getting deeper, Buddhism teaches that we should let go of thoughts, emotions and the sense of self. Your perception of yourself, your identity, your form is merely a construct from your ego… But let’s be honest, that level of awareness takes a phenomenal amount of practice, probably a lifetime so let’s be practical. Even if we can’t fully let go of ego, we can at least let go of stories that don’t serve us and replace them with ones that do. After all, you wouldn’t choose to see a movie that you know you won’t enjoy, so why pick a story for your life that you know you don’t like?
Whatever you think, question it.
Whether you think you’re amazing or awful, checking yourself against your own narrative is a powerful practice. You might find what you tell yourself doesn’t match what you do or who you are. You might find it doesn’t serve you or that that it only serves you.
Marc Manson boils it down to this. There are always many possible interpretations of past events. Pick the interpretation that best serves you in growing. Believe not what’s true, but what’s helpful.
